This time the Fisherman, who is also an amateur
gardener and farmer on a small scale, draws an appropriate question, in
regard to which he enlightens us as follows; and what he says must be
true, as we know he has had experience with pigs and hens: -
"Which knows most, a pig or a hen?
'Tis hard to tell in rustic rhyme
What pigs or hens may know.
A cabbage-head in olden time
Sure knew enough to grow.
If Balm and corn to them were thrown
By parsimonious Bill
I think the fact would then be shown,
For Piggy'd eat his fill."
Next comes the Chemist with the question: -
"Do you like peanuts?
Peanuts are double,
And so is the trouble
Involved in effort
To answer it.
Hand over a few,
And see if I do
Not like peanuts
Better than Sanskrit"
Any one who had heard the Chemist warbling, -
"He who hath good peanuts and gives his neighbor none,
He sha'n't have any of my peanuts when his peanuts are gone,"
would not have doubted this.
The Philosopher next airs his learning in the following: -
"What do you admire in a fool?
Water has such combustibility
That one may rightfully admire
The happy lack of wise ability
Which never rivers sets on fire.
Truth needs no recapitulation
To make what's simple plainer still.
Folly courts our admiration
Wherever Fashion has her will."
Part of this is so abstruse that I fear the company do not fully
appreciate it; so the next is quite startling; and after hearing it we
learn, the cause of the Astronomer's silent merriment in the corner, and
rejoice that Dr. Holmes's experience in "writing as funny as he could"
has proved a warning to this individual: -
"What is stronger than an onion?
Oh, scissors! on a summer night
To tax a fat republican
In thinking out with all his might
Some mightier thing than on-i-on.
Garlic, maybe's not strong enough
Well, I'll exert my 'spunk'
So here you have it, 'in the rough,' -
A pole-cat, alias s - - k."
The Oleaginous Personage comes next with the question, "Do you like
Crambo?" which was answered, rather ambiguously, thus: -
"If our last lingo was a specimen
Of this most wise and learned game,
'Tis sure that thus not many men
Would long be known to fame.
Any of you as well as I
Would knock our type all into Pi,
If ghost, or man, or printer's devil
Should show us up for good or evil."
Here the sedate and dignified Elsie gives her opinion of a summer
recreation after this fashion: -
"Are you fond of fishing?
A foolish amusement, it seems to me,
To be rocking about on the briny sea
Watching for bites 'neath a broiling sun,
(Mosquitoes will give you 'em when day is done)
For my part I'd rather be left in peace
To read of travels in sunny Greece
Varied by poem on 'Pleasures of Hope', -
Whate'er my employment I shall not mope -
But it proves great sport for cousin Bill.
(He's a youth just starting up Life's hill)
But should he as old as I become
He would conclude that 't is all a 'hum'."
Where a person generally considered "proper" became familiar with slang
I cannot imagine, but I make no remarks. Owing to the absence of two
members of the household, who, having been caught out in the shower, are
probably calculating the specific gravity of rain drops and their effect
on new straw hats, we have doubtless been deprived of more poems of
surprising depth and brilliancy. And, from regard for the excessive
modesty of other participants in the game, I suppress many compositions
of rare merit which were brought out this stormy evening. This letter is
merely to acquaint you with an important fact, which is as follows. As
Dr. Holmes has informed you with regard to the "Asylum for Decayed
Punsters," be it known hereby that we have here started a rival
institution, - a school for poets; so when you wish to secure the
services of any of the graduates, you may know where to apply. And, the
reason why the game of Crambo is like night is, because it is quiet in
the middle and noisy at both ends.
End of Over the Border: Acadia, by Eliza Chase
