Pasha. - What says the friendly Lord of London? is there aught that
I can grant him within the Pashalik of Karagholookoldour?
Dragoman (growing, sulky and literal). - This friendly Englishman -
this branch of Mudcombe - this head-purveyor of Goldborough - this
possible policeman of Bedfordshire, is recounting his achievements,
and the number of his titles.
Pasha. - The end of his honours is more distant than the ends of the
earth, and the catalogue of his glorious deeds is brighter than the
firmament of heaven!
Dragoman (to the traveller). - The Pasha congratulates your
Excellency.
Traveller. - About Goldborough? The deuce he does! - but I want to
get at his views in relation to the present state of the Ottoman
Empire. Tell him the Houses of Parliament have met, and that there
has been a speech from the throne, pledging England to preserve the
integrity of the Sultan's dominions.
Dragoman (to the Pasha). - This branch of Mudcombe, this possible
policeman of Bedfordshire, informs your Highness that in England
the talking houses have met, and that the integrity of the Sultan's
dominions has been assured for ever and ever by a speech from the
velvet chair.
Pasha. - Wonderful chair! Wonderful houses! - whirr! whirr! all by
wheels! - whiz! whiz! all by steam! - wonderful chair! wonderful
houses! wonderful people! - whirr! whirr! all by wheels! - whiz!
whiz! all by steam!
Traveller (to the dragoman). - What does the Pasha mean by that
whizzing? he does not mean to say, does he, that our Government
will ever abandon their pledges to the Sultan?
Dragoman. - No, your Excellency; but he says the English talk by
wheels, and by steam.
Traveller. - That's an exaggeration; but say that the English really
have carried machinery to great perfection; tell the Pasha (he'll
be struck with that) that whenever we have any disturbances to put
down, even at two or three hundred miles from London, we can send
troops by the thousand to the scene of action in a few hours.
Dragoman (recovering his temper and freedom of speech). - His
Excellency, this Lord of Mudcombe, observes to your Highness, that
whenever the Irish, or the French, or the Indians rebel against the
English, whole armies of soldiers, and brigades of artillery, are
dropped into a mighty chasm called Euston Square, and in the biting
of a cartridge they arise up again in Manchester, or Dublin, or
Paris, or Delhi, and utterly exterminate the enemies of England
from the face of the earth.
Pasha. - I know it - I know all - the particulars have been faithfully
related to me, and my mind comprehends locomotives. The armies of
the English ride upon the vapours of boiling caldrons, and their
horses are flaming coals! - whirr! whirr! all by wheels! - whiz!
whiz! all by steam!
Traveller (to his dragoman). - I wish to have the opinion of an
unprejudiced Ottoman gentleman as to the prospects of our English
commerce and manufactures; just ask the Pasha to give me his views
on the subject.
