I Am Afraid That
You Are One Of His Envious Maligners, Of Which He Gave Me To
Understand That He Had A Great Many."
"Envious, sir!
Not I indeed; and if I were disposed to be envious
of anybody it would not be of him; oh dear, why he is - "
"A bard of Anglesey," said I, interrupting her, "such a person as
Gronwy Owen describes in the following lines, which by-the-bye were
written upon himself:-
"'Where'er he goes he's sure to find
Respectful looks and greetings kind.'
"I tell you that it was out of respect to that man that I came to
this house. Had I not thought that he kept it, I should not have
entered it and called for a pint and chop - how distressing! how
truly distressing!"
"Well, sir," said the damsel, "if there is anything distressing you
have only to thank your acquaintance who chooses to call his mug-
house by the name of a respectable hotel, for I would have you know
that this is an hotel, and kept by a respectable and a religious
man, and not kept by - However, I scorn to say more, especially as
I might be misinterpreted. Sir, there's your pint and chop, and if
you wish for anything else you can ring. Envious, indeed, of such
- Marry come up!" and with a toss of her head, higher than any she
had hitherto given, she bounced out of the room.
Here was a pretty affair! I had entered the house and ordered the
chop and pint in the belief that by so doing I was patronising the
poet, and lo, I was not in the poet's house, and my order would
benefit a person for whom, however respectable and religious, I
cared not one rush. Moreover, the pint which I had ordered
appeared in the guise not of ale, which I am fond of, but of
sherry, for which I have always entertained a sovereign contempt,
as a silly, sickly compound, the use of which will transform a
nation, however bold and warlike by nature, into a race of
sketchers, scribblers, and punsters, in fact into what Englishmen
are at the present day. But who was to blame? Why, who but the
poet and myself? The poet ought to have told me that there were
two houses in L- bearing the sign of the - Arms, and that I must
fight shy of the hotel and steer for the pot-house, and when I gave
the order I certainly ought to have been a little more explicit;
when I said a pint I ought to have added - of ale. Sententiousness
is a fine thing sometimes, but not always. By being sententious
here, I got sherry, which I dislike, instead of ale which I like,
and should have to pay more for what was disagreeable, than I
should have had to pay for what was agreeable. Yet I had merely
echoed the poet's words in calling for a pint and chop, so after
all the poet was to blame for both mistakes.
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