I wrote to the messenger people to
send the most capable lad on their books; we would engage him by the
week, at twice his ordinary pay. He arrived; a limp and lean nonentity,
with a face like a boiled codfish.
This miserable youth promptly became the object of O - - 's bitterest
execration. I soon learnt to dread those conferences, those terrific
scenes which I was forced to witness in my capacity of interpreter.
O - - revelled in them with exceeding gusto. He used to gird his loins
for the effort of vituperation; I think he regarded the performance as a
legitimate kind of exercise - his last remaining one. As soon as the boy
returned from town and presented himself with his purchases, O - - would
glare at him for two or three minutes with such virulence, such
concentration of hatred and loathing, such a blaze of malignity in his
black eyes, that one fully expected to see the victim wither away; all
this in dead silence. Then he would address me in his usual whisper,
quite calmly, as though referring to the weather:
"Would you mind telling that double-distilled abortion that if he goes
on making such a face I shall have to shoot him. Tell him, will you;
there's a good fellow."
And I had to "humour" him.
"The gentleman" - I would say - "begs you will try to assume another
expression of countenance," or words to that effect; whereto he would
tearfully reply something about the will of God and the workmanship of
his father and mother, honest folks, both of them. I was then obliged to
add gravely:
"You had better try, all the same, or he may shoot you. He has a
revolver in his pocket, and a shooting licence from your government."
This generally led to the production of a most ghastly smile, calculated
to convey an ingratiating impression.
"Look at him," O - - would continue. "He is almost too good to be shot.
And now let's see. What does he call these things? Ask him, will you?"
"Asparagus."
"Tell him that when I order asparagus I mean asparagus and not
walking-sticks. Tell him that if he brings me such objects again, I'll
ram the whole bundle up - down his throat. What does he expect me to do
with them, eh? You might ask him, will you? And, God! what's this? Tell
him (accellerando) that when I send a prescription to be made up at the
Royal Pharmacy - - "
"He explained about that. He went to the other place because he wanted
to hurry up."
"To hurry up? Tell him to hurry up and get to blazes. Oh, tell him - - "
"You'll curse yourself into another collapse, at this rate."
To the doctor's intense surprise, he lingered on; he actually grew
stronger.
