-
But I'll not describe it; - I felt something at first within me
which was not in strict unison with the lesson of virtue I had
given her the night before. - I sought five minutes for a card; - I
knew I had not one. - I took up a pen. - I laid it down again; - my
hand trembled: - the devil was in me.
I know as well as any one he is an adversary, whom, if we resist,
he will fly from us; - but I seldom resist him at all; from a
terror, though I may conquer, I may still get a hurt in the
combat; - so I give up the triumph for security; and, instead of
thinking to make him fly, I generally fly myself.
The fair fille de chambre came close up to the bureau where I was
looking for a card - took up first the pen I cast down, then offer'd
to hold me the ink; she offer'd it so sweetly, I was going to
accept it; - but I durst not; - I have nothing, my dear, said I, to
write upon. - Write it, said she, simply, upon anything. -
I was just going to cry out, Then I will write it, fair girl! upon
thy lips. -
If I do, said I, I shall perish; - so I took her by the hand, and
led her to the door, and begg'd she would not forget the lesson I
had given her. - She said, indeed she would not; - and, as she
uttered it with some earnestness, she turn'd about, and gave me
both her hands, closed together, into mine; - it was impossible not
to compress them in that situation; - I wish'd to let them go; and
all the time I held them, I kept arguing within myself against it,-
-and still I held them on. - In two minutes I found I had all the
battle to fight over again; - and I felt my legs and every limb
about me tremble at the idea.
The foot of the bed was within a yard and a half of the place where
we were standing. - I had still hold of her hands - and how it
happened I can give no account; but I neither ask'd her - nor drew
her - nor did I think of the bed; - but so it did happen, we both sat
down.
I'll just show you, said the fair fille de chambre, the little
purse I have been making to-day to hold your crown. So she put her
hand into her right pocket, which was next me, and felt for it some
time - then into the left. - "She had lost it." - I never bore
expectation more quietly; - it was in her right pocket at last; - she
pull'd it out; it was of green taffeta, lined with a little bit of
white quilted satin, and just big enough to hold the crown: she
put it into my hand; - it was pretty; and I held it ten minutes with
the back of my hand resting upon her lap - looking sometimes at the
purse, sometimes on one side of it.
A stitch or two had broke out in the gathers of my stock; the fair
fille de chambre, without saying a word, took out her little
housewife, threaded a small needle, and sew'd it up. - I foresaw it
would hazard the glory of the day; and, as she pass'd her hand in
silence across and across my neck in the manoeuvre, I felt the
laurels shake which fancy had wreath'd about my head.
A strap had given way in her walk, and the buckle of her shoe was
just falling off. - See, said the fille de chambre, holding up her
foot. - I could not, for my soul but fasten the buckle in return,
and putting in the strap, - and lifting up the other foot with it,
when I had done, to see both were right, - in doing it too suddenly,
it unavoidably threw the fair fille de chambre off her centre, - and
then -
THE CONQUEST.
Yes, - and then -. Ye whose clay-cold heads and luke-warm hearts
can argue down or mask your passions, tell me, what trespass is it
that man should have them? or how his spirit stands answerable to
the Father of spirits but for his conduct under them?
If Nature has so wove her web of kindness, that some threads of
love and desire are entangled with the piece, - must the whole web
be rent in drawing them out? - Whip me such stoics, great Governor
of Nature! said I to myself: - wherever thy providence shall place
me for the trials of my virtue; - whatever is my danger, - whatever
is my situation, - let me feel the movements which rise out of it,
and which belong to me as a man, - and, if I govern them as a good
one, I will trust the issues to thy justice; for thou hast made us,
and not we ourselves.
As I finished my address, I raised the fair fille de chambre up by
the hand, and led her out of the room: - she stood by me till I
locked the door and put the key in my pocket, - and then, - the
victory being quite decisive - and not till then, I press'd my lips
to her cheek, and taking her by the hand again, led her safe to the
gate of the hotel.
THE MYSTERY. PARIS.
If a man knows the heart, he will know it was impossible to go back
instantly to my chamber; - it was touching a cold key with a flat
third to it upon the close of a piece of music, which had call'd
forth my affections: - therefore, when I let go the hand of the
fille de chambre, I remained at the gate of the hotel for some
time, looking at every one who pass'd by, - and forming conjectures
upon them, till my attention got fix'd upon a single object which
confounded all kind of reasoning upon him.
