My Disappearance From School
Had Awakened My Father's Anxiety; For I One Day Heard A Description Of
Myself Cried Before The Very Booth In Which I Was Exhibiting; With The
Offer Of A Reward For Any Intelligence Of Me.
I had no great scruple
about letting my father suffer a little uneasiness on my account; it
would punish him for past indifference, and would make him value me the
more when he found me again.
I have wondered that some of my comrades
did not recognize in me the stray sheep that was cried; but they were
all, no doubt, occupied by their own concerns. They were all laboring
seriously in their antic vocations, for folly was a mere trade with the
most of them, and they often grinned and capered with heavy hearts.
With me, on the contrary, it was all real. I acted con amore, and
rattled and laughed from the irrepressible gayety of my spirits. It is
true that, now and then, I started and looked grave on receiving a
sudden thwack from the wooden sword of Harlequin, in the course of my
gambols; as it brought to mind the birch of my school-master. But I
soon got accustomed to it; and bore all the cuffing, and kicking, and
tumbling about, that form the practical wit of your itinerant
pantomime, with a good humor that made me a prodigious favorite.
The country campaign of the troupe was soon at an end, and we set off
for the metropolis, to perform at the fairs which are held in its
vicinity. The greater part of our theatrical property was sent on
direct, to be in a state of preparation for the opening of the fairs;
while a detachment of the company travelled slowly on, foraging among
the villages. I was amused with the desultory, hap-hazard kind of life
we led; here to-day, and gone to-morrow. Sometimes revelling in
ale-houses; sometimes feasting under hedges in the green fields. When
audiences were crowded and business profitable, we fared well, and when
otherwise, we fared scantily, and consoled ourselves with anticipations
of the next day's success.
At length the increasing frequency of coaches hurrying past us, covered
with passengers; the increasing number of carriages, carts, wagons,
gigs, droves of cattle and flocks of sheep, all thronging the road; the
snug country boxes with trim flower gardens twelve feet square, and
their trees twelve feet high, all powdered with dust; and the
innumerable seminaries for young ladies and gentlemen, situated along
the road, for the benefit of country air and rural retirement; all
these insignia announced that the mighty London was at hand. The hurry,
and the crowd, and the bustle, and the noise, and the dust, increased
as we proceeded, until I saw the great cloud of smoke hanging in the
air, like a canopy of state, over this queen of cities.
In this way, then, did I enter the metropolis; a strolling vagabond; on
the top of a caravan with a crew of vagabonds about me; but I was as
happy as a prince, for, like Prince Hal, I felt myself superior to my
situation, and knew that I could at any time cast it off and emerge
into my proper sphere.
How my eyes sparkled as we passed Hyde-park corner, and I saw splendid
equipages rolling by, with powdered footmen behind, in rich liveries,
and fine nosegays, and gold-headed canes; and with lovely women within,
so sumptuously dressed and so surpassingly fair. I was always extremely
sensible to female beauty; and here I saw it in all its fascination;
for, whatever may be said of "beauty unadorned," there is something
almost awful in female loveliness decked out in jewelled state. The
swan-like neck encircled with diamonds; the raven locks, clustered with
pearls; the ruby glowing on the snowy bosom, are objects that I could
never contemplate without emotion; and a dazzling white arm clasped
with bracelets, and taper transparent fingers laden with sparkling
rings, are to me irresistible. My very eyes ached as I gazed at the
high and courtly beauty that passed before me. It surpassed all that my
imagination had conceived of the sex. I shrunk, for a moment, into
shame at the company in which I was placed, and repined at the vast
distance that seemed to intervene between me and these magnificent
beings.
I forbear to give a detail of the happy life which I led about the
skirts of the metropolis, playing at the various fairs, held there
during the latter part of spring and the beginning of summer. This
continual change from place to place, and scene to scene, fed my
imagination with novelties, and kept my spirits in a perpetual state of
excitement.
As I was tall of my age I aspired, at one time, to play heroes in
tragedy; but after two or three trials, I was pronounced, by the
manager, totally unfit for the line; and our first tragic actress, who
was a large woman, and held a small hero in abhorrence, confirmed his
decision.
The fact is, I had attempted to give point to language which had no
point, and nature to scenes which had no nature. They said I did not
fill out my characters; and they were right. The characters had all
been prepared for a different sort of man. Our tragedy hero was a
round, robustious fellow, with an amazing voice; who stamped and
slapped his breast until his wig shook again; and who roared and
bellowed out his bombast, until every phrase swelled upon the ear like
the sound of a kettle-drum. I might as well have attempted to fill out
his clothes as his characters. When we had a dialogue together, I was
nothing before him, with my slender voice and discriminating manner. I
might as well have attempted to parry a cudgel with a small sword. If
he found me in any way gaining ground upon him, he would take refuge in
his mighty voice, and throw his tones like peals of thunder at me,
until they were drowned in the still louder thunders of applause from
the audience.
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