But How Dangerous Is It To Depend On One's Own Strength, Against The
Force Of Such United Charms!
Dorilaus, who, in the midst of a thousand
temptations, had maintained the entire liberty of his heart, and tho'
Never insensible of beauty, had never been enslaved by it, was now by
charms he least suspected, and at an age when he believed himself proof
against all the attacks of love, subdued without knowing that he was
so. - The tender passion stole into his soul by imperceptible degrees,
and under the shape of friendship and paternal affection, met with no
opposition from his reason, till it became too violent to be restrained;
then showed itself in the whole power of restless wishes, fears, hopes,
and impatiences, which he had often heard others complain of, but not
till now experienced in himself: all that he before had felt of love was
languid, at best aimed only at enjoyment, and in the gratification of
that desire was extinguished; but the passion he was possessed of for
Louisa was of a different nature, and accompanied with a respect which
would not suffer him to entertain a thought in prejudice of her
innocence.
Many reasons, besides his natural aversion to marriage, concurred to
hinder him from making her his wife; and as there were yet more to deter
him from being the instrument of her dishonour, the situation of his
mind was very perplexing. - He blushed within himself at the inclinations
he had for a girl whom he had always behaved to as a child of his own,
and who looked upon him as a father: not only the disparity of their
years made him consider the passion he was possessed of as ridiculous,
there was one circumstance, which, if at any time a thought of marrying
her entered into his head, immediately extirpated it, which was, that
there was a possibility of her being born not only of the meanest, but
the vilest parents, who, on hearing her establishment, might appear and
claim the right they had in her; and lo, said he, I shall ally myself
to, perhaps, a numerous family of vagabonds; at least, whether it be so
or not, the manner in which these children were exposed, being publicly
known, may furnish a pretence for any wretch to boast a kindred.
He was therefore determined to suppress a passion, which, as he had too
much honour to seek the gratification of by one way, his prudence and
character in the world would not allow him to think of by the other: and
as absence seemed to him the best remedy, he sent her down into the
country again with a precipitation, which made her (wholly ignorant of
the real motive) fear she had done something to offend him. At parting,
she entreated him to let her know if he had been dissatisfied with any
thing in her behaviour. - Wherefore do you ask? said he, with some
emotion, which the poor innocent still mistook for displeasure; because,
answered she, dropping some tears at the same time, that you banish me
from your presence. Why would you be glad to continue with me always?
again demanded he. Yes indeed, said she; and if you loved me as well as
you do my brother, you would never part with me; for I saw with what
regret you let him go.
This tender simplicity added such fewel to the fire with which Dorilaus
was enflamed, that it almost consumed his resolution: he walked about
the room some time without being able to speak, much less to quiet the
agitation he was in. At last, Louisa, said he, I was only concerned your
brother made choice of an avocation so full of dangers; - but I never
intended to keep him at home with me: - he should have gone to Oxford to
finish his studies; and the reason I send you again to the
boarding-school is that you may perfect yourself in such things as you
may not yet be mistress of: - as for any apprehensions of my being
offended with you, I would have you banish them entirely, for I assure
you, I can find nothing in you but what both merits and receives my
approbation.
She seemed extremely comforted with these words; and the coach being at
the door, went into it with her accustomed chearfulness, leaving him in
a state which none but those who have experienced the severe struggles
between a violent inclination and a firm resolution to oppose it, can
possibly conceive.
CHAP. II.
Relates the offers made by Dorilaus to Louisa, and the manner of her
receiving them.
Louisa was no sooner gone, than he wished her with him again, and was a
thousand times about to send and have her brought back; but was as often
prevented by the apprehensions of her discovering the motive. - He was
now convinced that love does not always stand in need of being indulged
to enforce its votaries to be guilty of extravagancies.
- He had banished the object of his affections from his presence; he had
painted all the inconveniences of pursuing his desires in the worst
colours they would bear; yet all was insufficient! - Louisa was absent in
reality, but her image was ever present to him. - Whatever company he
engaged himself in, whatever amusement he endeavoured to entertain
himself with, he could think only of her.
- The Town without her seemed a desart, and every thing in it rather
seemed irksome than agreeable; for several months did he endure this
cruel conflict; but love and nature at last got the victory, and all
those considerations which had occasioned the opposition subsided: he
found it impossible to recover any tranquility of mind while he
continued in this dilemma, and therefore yielded to the strongest side.
All the arguments he had used with himself in the beginning of his
passion seemed now weak and trifling: the difference of age, which he
had thought so formidable an objection, appeared none in the light with
which he at present considered it:
Enter page number
PreviousNext
Page 5 of 100
Words from 4031 to 5045
of 102800
