To Lie On My Back On The Rust-Brown Grass In January And
Gaze Up At The Wide Hot Whitey-
Blue sky, peopled with millions and
myriads of glistening balls of thistle-down, ever, ever floating by;
to gaze and
Gaze until they are to me living things and I, in an
ecstasy, am with them, floating in that immense shining void!
And now it seemed that I was about to lose it - this glad emotion which
had made the world what it was to me, an enchanted realm, a nature at
once natural and supernatural; it would fade and lessen imperceptibly
day by day, year by year, as I became more and more absorbed in the
dull business of life, until it would be lost as effectually as if I
had ceased to see and hear and palpitate, and my warm body had grown
cold and stiff in death, and, like the dead and the living, I should
be unconscious of my loss.
It was not a unique nor a singular feeling: it is known to other boys,
as I have read and heard; also I have occasionally met with one who,
in a rare moment of confidence, has confessed that he has been
troubled at times at the thought of all he would lose. But I doubt
that it was ever more keenly felt than in my case; I doubt, too, that
it is common or strong in English boys, considering the conditions in
which they exist. For restraint is irksome to all beings, from a
black-beetle or an earthworm to an eagle, or, to go higher still in
the scale, to an orang-u-tan or a man; it is felt most keenly by the
young, in our species at all events, and the British boy suffers the
greatest restraint during the period when the call of nature, the
instincts of play and adventure, are most urgent.
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